The deadline for Clarion West is approaching quickly (3/1 – 2/1 for $100 off).

This year boasts another super fantastic lineup of instructors for the 25th Anniversary workshop. Check it out.: Paul Park, Mary Rosenblum, Cory Doctorow, Connie Willis, Sheree R. Thomas, and Chuck Palahniuk.

[By the way, I couldn’t help but notice that Chuck Palahniuk has grown quite a mane, despite a rapidly receding hairline. Brother looks good. Maybe there is hope for me yet!] 🙂

For years, I’ve dreamed of attending a workshop like Clarion West. First, there is the chance to meet and work with other writers struggling to make it and serious enough about the process to fork over some serious coin ($3200). Next, there are always fascinating authors and editors on the faculty list (see above). Of course, the idea of actually doing it scares the crap out of me.

Why I’m Terrified of Clarion West and Workshops in General

1. I’m scared of admitting how much I love speculative fiction – My writing cycle is usually a) fantasy/sci-fi story b) kill self c) serious, existential work d) kill self e) fantasy/sci-fi story… And so on. Kind of crazy, isn’t it?
2. I’m scared to meet other struggling authors – Even here on the frontier, I occasionally run into a would-be writer. At first, it’s a bit of a thrill but then I realize that we might in fact, well, you know, talk… about writing. My writing? Oh no.
3. I’m scared to meet published authors (instructors), especially those I admire – See above but scale that by a factor of 10 (to start with). Now, I know this is crazy. Perhaps even crazier than meeting others who are struggling to make it.
4. I’m scared that people will like my work – Ok, so now we’re really not getting anywhere useful, are we? But really, why on earth would I be scared that someone would like my work? If you ask yourself a question like this, and the answer is “I don’t know” you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re being evasive. Alright, so, I’m afraid that people will like my work because that means I might have a future doing something I enjoy. That means I might have what it takes to make it. This is scary because it is important to me… [I do realize that this makes no sense whatsoever.]
5. I’m scared that I might be all talk and no action – I spend a lot of time writing about writing an as for doing actual writing (at least of late) the work has been quite sparse. So, what happens when I arrive at Clarion West and nothing happens? I mean, I don’t produce anything (stage fright).
6. I’m scared to escape from my life for 6 weeks because I might not come back – I don’t mean abandoning my family or anything so silly as that. I just mean that once I really start down the road will I ever come back? Then what happens?
7. I’m scared that I will have to come back – Well, graduating from a workshop doesn’t mean that you’re anything other than a workshop alumni. It doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly {poof} a published author. It just means that you’ve acquired new skills and honed others under fire. In theory, you are a better writer, but then when you return to your work-a-day world what do you do with your new found knowledge? How do you sleep at night?

Looking over the list, none of it really makes that much sense and yet I’m sure that these are probably the same fears that every writer feels at one point or another (or all at once like me).

Those of you who sort of know me personally are probably scratching your heads right now. I certainly don’t come across as someone who would harbor these sorts of fears. Of course, those of you who know me personally are probably shaking your heads because you know me all too well.

After all, this is the same song and dance I’ve performed for the last 20 years. My shoes are worn through and my blistered feet are cracked and bleeding. Even I can see that.

Perhaps there is nothing left but to cast myself out there and see what happens.

[Via: Boing Boing and Eileen Gunn.]