A Someday Discovery

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I think I also discovered that I need to get my butt back into the gym!

Today I discovered that I am no longer afraid of success or acceptance.

For years, one of my greatest fears about writing is that people will actually enjoy the work that I produce. I was afraid of being published. I was afraid of professional acceptance.

Don’t get excited, folks… I’m still not published.

No, what I have for you is something a bit more interesting…

The Someday Syndrome Interview

Not long ago, Alex Fayle of Someday Syndrome fame asked me if I would be an interviewee on his site. As I am practically a professional procrastinator, I thought I’d have loads of experience to share, but what happened is that I learned something profound about myself.

[Click here to read the interview at Someday Syndrome]

During the course of the questioning (read the whole interview here), I was writing about my fear of acceptance an how that kept me from submitting my work and putting myself out there. It didn’t feel right though. I mean, I’ve almost always been afraid of someone saying they like my work. I can’t remember a time when the thought of recognition did not make me flush red and run for the covers.

Yet, in writing about it for Alex, I didn’t feel the usual grip of terror. In fact, the whole idea of being afraid of success and acceptance took on this air of a phantom limb severed from my body. Surely it was there, somewhere waiting in the darkness, waiting to pounce.

Nope. I got nothin’.

The Case of The Missing Fear

So what happened to this fear of success? Where did you go, my lovely crutch, and what am I to do with out you?

I thought about this for a bit and I realized that you, my dear readers, took away my crutch. You kicked it out from underneath me and I didn’t even notice it was gone until I stopped to think about it.

At this moment, HNTW has over 500 subscribers. Some of you receive my missives via email, some of you in RSS. Some of you weather the storm of my incessant tweets and find your way here. Others just happen by from time to time…

When I add the number of people who come to the site from links around the web or read the posts on LiveJournal or just wander in from Google, I figure that close to 1,000 people see each post during its first week of existence.

Wow. That’s a lot of people checking out my work. Not only that, but that’s also more people than the usual number of subscribers for an average small press zine. In other words, more people read my work because I toss it out on the Internet than would if my work appeared in print.

So… what am I afraid of exactly?

Now I’m not trying to get into some debate about print versus web or blogging versus publishing. I’m not trying to say that my writing here is the same as appearing in an honest to goodness magazine. I’m not discounting it either… What I’m saying is that by sharing my writing here on the web I’ve taken away any logical reason to be afraid of success or acceptance.

The best part is that I’ve done it while making a swell group of friends.

Isn’t it kind of cool to think that you were part of this sneaky transformation? Thank you!! And a special thanks to Alex Fayle for asking the right questions!

[Click here to read the interview at Someday Syndrome]

10 thoughts on “A Someday Discovery

  1. Jamie, you give so much to your readers that I rejoice knowing each of us has helped you to own your success. Blogging is like a live stage play with audience interaction and instant feedback. Like a play you have the opportunity to perform several times a week and can improve along the way. I love the immediacy and find that is has filled me with the courage to tackle other writing challenges.

    Karen Swim´s last blog post..Planted in Adversity, Harvested in Hope

  2. @James That post of yours is a perfect companion piece, James… or maybe you’re the headliner and I’m just the warm up ‘cept we got it all in reverse. 😉

    @Karen Your comment sums it up quite nicely, a live stage play… {cue dreamy sounds}

    “My blog’s but a walking shadow,
    a poor player, that struts and his hour upon the stage,
    and then is retweeted no more;
    it is a tale posted by an idiot, full of sound and fury (and typos), signifying nothing…”

    “Nay, sir. I disagree. The Comments are the thing.”

  3. I felt the same way when I asked my mom to read a story I was rewriting. I was like where’s the nervous, anxiety-ridden, nail-biting, stomach-churning feeling I usually get whenever she gets it in her mind to read my stuff?

    AravisGirl´s last blog post..April 5th

  4. @Karen 😉

    @AravisGirl LOL! That’s exactly the feeling! Good for you!

    @Alex What can I say? It was a transformative experience!!!

  5. Thanks for telling us about this – not only is it great to hear something so positive, it gives hope to the rest of us who are still wrestling that beast!

    This is the first time I’ve been here (I always arrive late at the best parties!) but I reckon I’ll be signing up for the feed straight after I’ve posted this.

    Oh, and “Yay!” by the way :)

    Emma Newman´s last blog post..Neutering my narrator

  6. @Emma Welcome aboard, and thanks for commenting on your first visit! This site is all about taking on the writing beasties. Hopefully, it will help you out!

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